So this is Crusada and Gentilo. They will factor into the story at some point.
Basically Crusada is the girl and Gentilo is the dog but they are one unit.
When Crusada lost her arms in a tragic motorboating accident, Gentilo swam in a managed to fetch one of her arms. The other was lost to the bottom of Lake Ontario. Somewhere near Muskoka.
So they have continued on with their lives as a single unit. Whenever she needs to slap someone, Gentilo picks up her arm (which was never reattached, doctors don't care to see dolls on their practice, except in LA) and does the dirty work. She is napping here. He is guarding her arm.

Also, Gentilo is and always has been a vegetarian.

Maybe you don't want to know the rest...

Then things got a little hazy, in a good way though.

It all got a little messy after that, ahem.

As she searched his eyes for some clue to their fate she came to realise she too had watched him from afar. She too had longed to have those plastic arms wrapped around her tight, have those dead dead shark eyes look deeply into hers, those rosy cheeks light up at the sight of her.
She leaned in too.

As he inched closer (no small feat, without well...) he whispered "Finally we meet, I've watched you from afar for so long now. I am Bartlett, let us commence the romance."

As Imogene had never fallen in love before, she was shocked by it all.
Shocked, excited, confused and before long, slivered.

Love comes calling

Perhaps it was the aftershave, the sweet scent of varnished wood or plastic molded hands that caught her attention. But it was love baby, pure and sweaty.

Imogene's Diary

Dear Diary:

I am lonely and sleepy and feel like falling in love.

Imogene.

Billy Idols face

Dear Billy,

My Troll friend and I, while never big Billy Idol fans per se, have always wondered what the song "Eyes without a Face" could possibly mean. We often joke around about one day sending someone to each other house who embodies this very lyric but have yet to come across someone who looks like this. Have you ever seen someone who had eyes but no face? Where did the face go? More importantly, what are the eyes resting on now? Wouldn't a more accurate depiction then be eyes resting on a neck lump? Just me?

We have both thought long and hard about what having eyes, but no face, might mean and I gotta tell ya - we are coming up with bubkiss here. If you can shed some light on this, we would be ever so grateful. Perhaps Billy himself could offer a few suggestions? He must have known someone suffering from this very affliction to write a whole song about them - its time to fess up there Billy. Who has eyes with no face?

How is this possible?

Help?!?!?!?!?!

If such a person were to be found we would gladly pay them $5 Canadian dollars to go to our other friend Candido's house and scare the bejeezus out of her. We still haven't got her back yet from the terrible "Clowning" incident of 05.

With many thanks,
Imogene and the Troll

Imogene Emerges

It wasn't that she didn't so much "trust" the troll, it was that he was well ... a troll. Not that Imogene had so many better choices for confidants, but seriously? A troll?

Either way she was determined to get around this bozo and get on with her adventure. Nothing but a pimple on the ass of her day, so she riddled him this:

"Now Troll, can I call you troll? There is no suffix to that, its not Mr. Troll, or perhaps Your Trollness? no? Well okay then, Troll, I am willing to agree with you not letting me pass. But are you willing to agree with me to not not let me pass?"

The troll was confused. He thought it over, scratched himself a little, and said this:

"I would be willing to agree that I am not going to let you pass, and that you are not not going to pass, ummm.. yes.. that seems about right".

The Troll, never having had the privilege of a fancy school, or say, common sense, backed himself into a riddling corner. As far as trolls go, they ought to be clever if they are to be a good troll. Who will guard all the bridges? Who will hide under children's beds blackmailing them for cookies and milk? If not a clever troll, at least one who understands double negatives, such was not the case for this troll.

"Aha!" Yelled Imogene. "I got you! You agreed to let me pass!". "You said you would not NOT let me by, which means you of course will!" She gleamed with pride at this brilliant plan and having succeeded in trapping him into letting her go.

"oh........." First the Troll looked confused, then a sweep of red came across his pudgy little face, and he looked down at the ground. "I am not a very good troll it seems". "You may pass." and more quietly to himself as she trotted by triumphantly "My ass is on the line for this one, that's three in one hour! I am totally.. like... getting fired...". A few four letter words unfamiliar to Imogene followed in the muttering.

"What do you mean you will be Fired?" Imogene asked imagining some horrid volcano ritual, the soft fat from his face melting off into the flames.

"I mean let go, given my walking papers, out of a job" He returned.

"Do you need one of those things? Jobs?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, what else am I going to do all day? Knit? Have seen these paws?" He held up what could best be described as oven mitts for hands, fingers strewn together, no opposable thumb to speak of.

This kid couldn't even hitch a ride out of town, she thought to herself, instantly regretting having tricked the trickster. Maybe he's not so bad after all.

"Well listen" she started "I'm on my way to having an adventure, and I could really use a friend along the way. Why don't you quit this racket and come along?"

"Oh... well, I mean, I don't know. I have... never, really well, never been outside the forest you see. I don't know if I have it in my for this 'adventure' you speak of". "Would there be any heavy lifting involved?" He asked.

"No way man!" She answered. "Just pure fun, laughs, adventure stories to bring home, and of course, war wounds!" She made is sound so pretty and adorable, even the war wounds comment did not deter the Troll.

" Ok then" he decided "I'm in!"

And the adventure continued...

"

The Troll & The Riddle

This may be Imogene's first day on earth, but let me tell you: anyone/anything can spot a Riddling Troll when they see one.

She is not hard of seeing.

He throws his massive carny hands into the air and shouts "WAIT!!!" at her.

Almost losing the lunch she never managed to find, Imogene stops in her tracks. Dead silence fills the morning air, bouncing off dew drops that are forming along the brim of her eyelashes.

What the sweet mother of hell does this guys want?

Imogene hits the road

As Imogene trots away from her unpleasant encounter she spots a little opening by the window to squeeze through.

As she would like to get as far away as possible from the jackass she just met, she filters her 4 hooves, mane and tail through a small crack in the plaster and finds herself outside the house.

This new part of the world is breezy, warm and most importantly, doesn't smell of puppy anymore. Her nostrils fill with the possibility of finding her best friend out here somewhere among the vastness of the garden or street.

The wonder of it all strikes her so deeply she does not immediately see the hands in front of her face...

A friend for Imogene

And across the sill, a million miles away by her near sighted glance, she sees him.

Glass encased as any real beauty ought to be he sits. Calm. Sure of himself. Guarded. Perfect.

Imogene clicks over and introduces herself to the encased creature.

"Hello, I'm Imogene" she states matter of factly, she has not yet learned the art of conversation this being her first day of life and all, so we cut her some slack. "Who you be?" she questions.

"Well miss..." a purr arrives as though from underwater. "They call me ssssSalvadore ... Zeee Keeper of lost tings". He rebuffs. He's abrupt at best, rude to be more accurate and slightly accusatory for the mistake of her ignorance. He continues "Whom are you supposing to be zen?" he returns.

"I said my name is Imogene. I'm a centaur, I was born this morning under the giants bed. I'm looking for a friend to help me escape the puppies". She keeps to the points of conversation needed to gain information from this purring little wonder who so clearly is disinterested in her fancy of friendship. "If you can point me in the direction of the next friend you may see, I would be very grateful".

"I do not know deees tings!" he yells, though through his opaque prism only a few squat noises are heard, nothing like the yelp of the puppies below, still circling the bottom of the stairs, curiouser and curiouser about what is taking place on the sill.

"Well okay then Mister!" She bellows back, surprising herself with her own nerve and show of anger. "I will find one myself! Thanks for nothing sweet pea!" She turns on a hoof and saunters off. Never did ask about that arm in his prison though... not too certain the answer would be a thrill to the ears.

Needing someone

She's got it!

A friend.

This is what she needs so desperately to get through this misadventure. Its so bloody simple she nearly smacks herself! But since she has hooves instead of hands, and no record of opposable thumbs she thinks the better of masochism and just gives her little head a shake instead.

Now... who to ask?

How does one go about asking for a friend? What does one do she wonders aloud, a teeny echo from her groggy voice bounces against the glass and greets her in earnest.

If only I were a twin, she muses, not allowing the thought to spread much further into her heart. Of the few things she's learned this morning, its that she is the only one of her kind. Nothing else came out of that eggshell worth getting to know, that was for certain. But how to go about locating a lovely little friend to have?

The giants were nice enough, loud, bellowing, snoring, sharing secrets in the dark and waking each morning together. Even while incubating alone under the bed she knew they were lovely, the soft pummeling of their voices against her shell letting her know the world wasn't all bad.

But they had each other, more to the point if one of them every laughed loud enough Imogene would be deafened for life due to her stature.

No, the giants wouldn't do in the friendship department. She needs someone her size, her own age, to befriend.

A small noise rumbles...